a rare commodity
Do you have a jar of my toenail clippings? Not many people do. They are a rare commodity, but scarcity is a dumb reason to own anything. It is programmed in our brain that if there is little of something, we want more of it. We know it as the “fear of missing out,” and it’s one of the more annoying subsets of greed.
Collecting video games is a rather innocuous incarnation of this. As far as I know, no wars have been fought over a copy of thief on the Sega CD. However, it is still quite annoying. I collect games because they are a tangible representation of the game. I like to play them. Don’t give me a factory sealed game, because I’ll open it. I don’t want to disparage anyone’s reasoning for why they collect games, but I can’t help but find it ridiculous that some questionable titles maintain a high value based on scarcity. As I said above, scarcity is a smallpox on humanity’s butt, and here’s a closer look at some of the festering boils.
Stadium Family Fun Events (1987, NES)
Stadium Family Fun Events really grills my goat. He is considered one of the “holy grails” from the NES library. Bandai was the original creator of Power Pad, and they were ready to release the NES version alongside Stadium Family Fun Events when Nintendo stepped in to rebrand and distribute it instead. All copies of stadium events that made it to the shelves were withdrawn.
There are some things I hate about this. First, Nintendo re-released the game as the best known World Class Athletics Meet, and the two games are identical apart from the title screen. Second, the number of cartridges in the wild is entirely based on speculation. Some say only a few made it to consumers, but the minimum production run for an NES game is 10,000. Former Nintendo spokesman Howard Phillips he doesn’t think it’s likely they were destroyed, so they could still be around. Personally, I’m not going to spend $20k on a different title screen in the first place. But the only way it could be worse is if someone discovers a series of long-forgotten cartridges that drive the price down.
Barbie Groom and Glam Pups (2013, 3DS)
Dogs are great, make no mistake. I’d rather give them scritchins and snuggle with them than glamourize them. I also have nothing against Barbie. She doesn’t come with a proton pack or transform into anything, but I guess some kids have more imaginations. However, I can’t figure out a reason why you would want to spend over $2000 on something like this. $2000 might get her a great dog, but you can also get her unlimited affection and gratitude for much cheaper if she adopts him.
The reason Barbie: Groom and Glamorous Puppies is so expensive is that the only NTSC version was released in limited locations in some obscure country called canada. I guess if you really need to complete your 3DS collection, you don’t have a choice, but if you’d rather just play, get the Wii or DS versions for less than $10.
Action 52 (1991, NES)
I’m almost ashamed to say that I have a copy of action 52 on the NES, but at around $300, they’re the lowest-priced items on this list. Inspired by pirate cartridges, action 52 it’s a good idea on paper. 52 games, all on one cartridge, for the low(?) $200 entry fee. But while pirated cartridges (usually) just consist of a bunch of already released games, the 52 games on this cartridge are brand new. Unfortunately, the three (or maybe four) college students enlisted to develop the games were given three months to complete all 52.
The result is a collection of games that aren’t even passable at their best and literally unplayable at their worst. There is nothing worth playing on the lot. Its price is kept high by the fact that there aren’t many in circulation, and it is known as one of the worst games ever. You don’t have to play it yourself; I can confirm that it is not good.
Eli’s Ladder (1982, Atari 2600)
Sometimes considered the weirdest educational game out there, Eli’s Ladder It is known for its scarcity. Now, I’m not going to envy someone for wanting to learn math on an Atari 2600. Video games are a great way to trick kids into learning something boring. However, Eli’s Ladder is an extremely basic example of this, and because there are so few in circulation, the last time one was Sold on eBaycame out for $5000. If someone offered me $5000, I promise I’d learn arithmetic real hard without the need for an Atari 2600.
Water World (1995, Virtual Boy)
This is another game I own, but that’s only because it wasn’t that expensive at the time and I needed it to complete my North American Virtual Boy game collection. Aquatic world is based on the 1995 post-apocalyptic movie. While there were other games based on the movie, Aquatic world in Virtual Boy it is something different, which is not much. Many Virtual Boy games had the problem that they felt more like tech demos or old arcade games than full experiences. Aquatic world it is so. You sail, blow up other ships and rescue people. It takes about a minute to see everything Aquatic world has to offer, then just repeat that but with more force.
Bronkie the Bronchiosaur (1994, SNES)
I almost did not include bronkie the bronchiosaurus Because I definitely i want to play it. However, I deliberately play bad games, so I’m a very poor metric. bronkie the bronchiosaurus is an edutainment side-scroller from Raya Systems, which also brought us Captain Novolin, Rex Ronan: experimental surgeon, Y packy and marlon. It’s about the titular Bronciasaurus who has to platform and control his asthma. While I’m a broken enough person to find that a tantalizing premise, I’m not sure I’d be willing to spend more than $300 to find out if it reaches its ambitions.
King James Bible (1994, Game Boy)
I am not trying to say that the King James Bible is not worth reading. I’m sure it’s… great. However, the Game Boy sounds like the worst e-reader imaginable. The system is known for its large library of games and a battery life that lasts over 8 seconds. It is not known for having a fantastic screen. In truth, its screen could best be described as “viewable”, at least as long as there is enough light but not too light. The idea of reading an entire book in there, let alone the Bible, sounds like a pretty depressing way to spend a road trip. There are two games in there and a word search in case you’re curious about how many times the word “dick” appears in the Bible.
Actually, that’s something I’m curious about. According to my research, it is between 7 and 13 times. king james bible it says none, so what’s the point?
Neurodancer (1994, 3DO)
I know I said these are games you don’t want to play, but I can think of reasons why you might want to play old porn games. Not because they are valuable additions to the bin. It’s easier than ever to try every possible flavor of porn while riding the bus or at your son’s piano recital, and adding a game to it is just an unnecessary obstacle getting in the way of nipples. No, I would play porn games. because they are so bad; they are kitsch.
Pornographic FMV games are in their own bad category, and neurodancer for 3DO Interactive Multiplayer is the perfect example of a title getting in the way of its own concept. Not only is it so slight that my extensive research hasn’t uncovered the existence of actual boobs inside of it, but a high percentage are actually videos of people goofing around on camera, faking the cyberpunk future as something out of their minds. robocop. That doesn’t do much to me in terms of excitement, but worse are the mazes you have to traverse to earn credits that you use to get women to take their clothes. Listen, I don’t know how much you know about seduction, but mazes are a pretty unconventional approach.
Try match 3 instead.
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